M&M Wars
and you thought you were crazy

W   
hile cleaning around my desk today, I came across this little yellow paper with chicken scratches on it. I remember a few years ago, I kept a running tally of the M&M colors by having mock battles between the Earth and Mars (Mars Candy?).

Yellow, Orange, and Red were assigned to the Red Planet ... and ...
Blue, Green and Brown 2d Oit (as they say in Brooklyn).

Each package contained 20-25 peanut M&Ms or ... bombs ... as you might think of them. I removed them one at a time and ate and tallied them as I went along. I didn't dump them all at once as this would have spoiled the war by determining the outcome too early. I dutifully rooted for the Earth in each battle (one battle per day at lunchtime) and never "fudged" the outcome to save our precious blue orb. I gave the Red Menace an equal chance to maim our defenses.

mmwars1.jpg - 23kb

The SUV on the bottom of the page is there because this is from someone's 4"x5" memo pad. The column of numbers running into the SUV is the bomb count for each day's battle. Believe me, I was duly pissed off when the bomb count dipped below 23. Arrrrrggghhh!!

On the reverse side, I tallied the totals after a couple weeks and came to the momentous conclusion that someone (or some-THING) at M&M Corp. was purposely modifying the color count. Oh, God!!! Is nothing sacred?

mmwars2.jpg - 20kb

The long strings of barred fives represents those totals. Clearly, the yellow and blue colors are favored and orange and green are minimized. I can't say for sure if my sampling is sufficient large to warrant this conclusion, but I'm pretty sure it's valid.

Using this info, I was able to defeat my grandsons (then 6 and 4) by proposing a "game" wherein we would each take two colors and when your color comes out the hole in the corner ... you get the M&M.

"I'll take the Blue and the Yellow" - EBTX

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