Nature of Existence
Progress on Book 10/18/34

've been giving over my time to finishing this project and have little left for anything else. Re-integrating the entire opus is a lengthy task which I haven't done in at least ten years. Essentially what I am doing is taking each "thread" of the project and tightening the weave so to speak. This squeezes out the most obvious dross and calls for small but sometimes significant alterations of fundamental ideas. It may be as much as 40% different from my website, i.e. culled, rewritten and reformulated.

threads - 5kb

It will not be a long book ... maybe 150 pages ... possibly a few more. One reason for brevity is that I'm going to squeeze the text a little in order to save money (less pages = less cost). Another reason is that I don't know that much ;o(

I hope to have it up on Amazon for sale in 2003. If it does not sell at all, it may be for sail ;o) as in out the window. That's a rather cruel thing to say about one's life work ... but it's realistic. I believe that at worst I will lose only about a grand (all things considered - but not including my time of course).

At best ... and a real possibility since I have a fairly large number of visitors each and every day ... is that it will sell well enough to pay for all my computer-website related expenses. Selling 100 books per year would do just that and I think that's a reasonable expectation. There is a big markup even after Amazon takes their 22.5% cut + $40/month. Still, there is the doubt. Maybe I will end up using 150 copies in a box for a door stop. :_(

And, just in case I win the lotto and it sells like hotcakes ... I'll sign and number the first "edition" so that those who bought them will be able to ... brag.
Well ... it could happen.

What I expected ...

... when I started out at 14 was to finish at 16.
Then at 16, to finish when I was 18.
Then at 18, to finish (certainly) before I was 21.
Then at 21 ... "If I have not figured out the universe by the time I am 30, I shall pronounce myself unfit for existence and shoot myself in the head.".
Then at 30, "Well I'll just continue on and see how far I can go" ... with the realization that I could not hope to succeed.
Now, at 54, I will finish ... after a fashion ... more like giving it over in favor of the slab upon which I shall no doubt be reclining in the not too distant future (but not right away).

Years ago, I thought that a project of this type would be like chipping away at a dam and continuous effort would one day cause a break ... an intellectual epiphany. This is untrue. It's more like digging a hole. The more you dig the more likely you are do discover the small pieces out of which you construct (integrate) your model. Of course, it also depends on where you start digging (your initial assumptions). If your postulates are in fact incorrect, then nothing can come of your enterprise (except self-delusion) ... no matter how much time is invested in it.

This fact I know for certain. I am unable to tell the difference between that which is true and untrue on first inspection. I do not possess that inscrutable capacity for automatic knowledge which is the happy state of almost all other humanoids. By my definition, what is "true" is that which fits unforced into my construction and remains stable over decades. I have no other source of verification outside of physical experiment (and it does not reveal fundamental, logical causes).

I often wonder what I would have done if I had not pursued this probably un-realizable goal ... but I can't imagine attempting to do anything less with the one short life I am given. Anything less would not be a righteous test ... for me.

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