Automatic TV Volume Control

T   
he other day I was watching the tube and it once again occurred to me that there really ought to be some sort of automatic gain adjustment on the damn thing. But there isn't ... and there never will be ... not as long as there is such a thing as a commercial.

Automatic Gain Adjustment

I used to listen to a lot of classical music in my 20's and I noted a seldom mentioned attribute of many orchestral pieces (especially Beethoven's symphonies). These pieces don't fair well in the context of a phonograph played in a room (now CD player). The reason is that the low points are too low to hear unless one turns up the volume ... but this results in an ear-shattering experience when the crescendo inevitably arrives.

It works out fine with headphones however (where you can block out ambient noise and concentrate fully). This is one of several reasons why such pieces are not good for background music.

What's needed is a volume control that works automatically. There would be a simple program in the TV that would prevent the sound level from going too loud or too soft. You would set the high an low points of course just as you are allowed to set the tint, contrast, brightness, etc.

Then, when the flick gets to the bombs exploding, you wouldn't have grab the remote and fumble for the volume control or mute button so as not to wake the neighbors, kids, spouse, dead, etc. And no more turning it up when the actors are whispering about 'their crime' or 'love' or whatever. "What did he say?"

The computer in the TV would sample the sound level 100 times per second and would adjust it down when it got to high or up when it fell too low. Such adjustments might be made to fit a smooth mathematical curve instead of the straight linear output that currently resides on everyone's TV. That way, you would never notice the adjustment taking place.

When the sound was too low it would adjust up only if it detected "significant" variations in the sound level. That way it wouldn't turn up static in a silent scene. It would of course just turn the sound up to your specified minimum "low" level.

Technologically speaking this is now a walk in the park.

But we don't have this, do we?

The reason of course is


  C O N S PIRACY
   

Yes, a really, really type conspiracy between the TV makers and the advertisers of ...


   "the swill"

They know what is best for you ... and ... that consists of bombarding you with their sacred message to buy their wonderful product which they know you can't possibly live without ... therefore it is their divine duty to shove it down your throat ... by means of ... raising the sound level of commercials to move you to the beat of a different drummer ... even when you are in the kitchen or are gone to the throne room to take a dump.


  'Ears to you !


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