10 Ways to
Save Karl Wallenda

he falling death of Karl Wallenda gave me many ideas about how to "walk the wire" more safely. But then, if it's safe why do it at all? Then ... why use a poll? What's the gig here?

#1 ) Use the damn net. This wouldn't be practical in his case (he fell walking between two buildings) and it's not his schtick.

#2 ) Give it up. You're too old. No good. He probably wanted to die this way since the others did as much before him. It's a good way ... really. To die doing what you love best.

#3 ) Grappling hooksThis one would work. Put a little grappling hook on the pole and tie the pole to your wrist by straps.

#4 ) How about a longer pole? And ... arched to put the center of gravity lower.

#5 ) In fact, you could make it long enough and vertical enough that, coupled with its angular inertia, you couldn't possibly lose your balance even in the highest wind. Wire walking in a hurricane? On the other hand, such verticality would interfere with guy wires holding the walking wire steady.

#6 ) How about a line connected to the grappling hook and concealed within the pole that pays out slowly when it catches on the wire. Your weight pulls it out and you are lowered to the ground very safely. Mountaineers (climbers) are familiar with such devices.

#7 ) How about a simple parachute? The grappling hook pulls out a parachute. Yah! Hmmmm.... no ... it would get hung up on the wire or guy wires ... but ... he'd still be hangin' there alive, eh?

#8 ) Have a robot do the walking. That would solve it. Karl stays on the roof and uses a "joy stick". But who's gonna' care about that. They come to see a "bounce", a fall, a death? A youthful girlfriend of mine was in the stands at the first great Wallenda fall in Detroit. She said they "bounced".

#9 ) How about some "grabber" shoes that lock onto the wire at each step? It would be difficult to work out ... but feasible?

#10 ) Last and my favorite ... the new Ebtx Solid Parachute With this gizmo, when you fall, you hit a panic button and the pole blows out extensions which upon, hitting the ground, collapse back into the pole and the energy is absorbed by hot compressed gas exiting through a small hole at the top. Needless to say, you only get one chance to do this right. The army could use this (if they have too many guys on the payroll ;o)

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